


Not Quite Hate

by Vampowerment



Series: (it's love) [1]
Category: The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: Character Study, Fluff, Hivy is mentioned but not prominent enough to deserve a tag, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Pining, this is probably the cutest thing I've written in my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-25 23:23:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9851531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vampowerment/pseuds/Vampowerment
Summary: “Y’know, I don’t think ya hate him, cupcake." Harley says with a smirk, “I think… You have strong feelins’ for B-Man and don’t wanna admit it’s anything other than hate 'cause it scares ya.”





	1. Trust me, I'm a doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I'm writing cute friendship fic about Harley and Joker. In a Batjokes fic where it isn't just one sided. Somehow the lego batman movie managed to portray Joker so good I'm ok with him having friends???? What??? I'm sorry, Mark Hamill in Arkham City, you've been dethroned as my fav by Lego Joker. I have more Opinions™, my tumblr is @Vampowerment if you wanna see them, but I won't bore you with them any longer here.

“Y’know, I don’t think ya hate him, cupcake.” Harley says casually while messing with Joker’s hair. The two had been talking for a while, he had been ranting about how much he hates Batman, Harley had been gushing about her girlfriend. Harley started experimenting with Joker’s hair while he started painting his nails. Joker freezes, and Harley laughs.

Sometimes, Joker wishes his best friend didn’t have a doctorate in psychology. The the paper itself isn’t the problem--in fact, it works lovely as a coaster, it’s sitting on the table right now sporting an elegant wine glass that’s filled with pink lemonade--but she definitely puts the eight years of education that earned that fancy paper to good use.

She was a psychologist when they first met. It was at Arkham, one of those rare times when Joker let himself get caught by Batman-- _totally_ on purpose and not because he was… distracted or anything, he just needed a break! For real!--and Harley seemed to be the only one there who _got him._ They quickly took to gossiping about their lives, Joker admittedly doing most of the talking and Harley writing everything down on a bedazzled notepad. After a few days, since that’s as long Joker can really stand being in one place before getting antsy, Joker proposed a partnership. She was eager to accept, and they’ve been best friends ever since.

Joker laughs. “Ha! That’s a real knee slapper. Hilarious!” He is well aware that she isn’t joking. He knows when she’s joking.

“Look at me, pumpkin, I got my serious face on.” She frowns slightly, dropping the locks of Joker’s hair she was trying to braid and moving to face him.

“Your serious face doesn’t match your ridiculous words, Harley.“

“But I am serious, and I’m also right.” She smirks, “I think… You have strong feelins’ for B-Man and don’t wanna admit it’s anything other than hate. I think it scares ya.”

“What? No! I don’t get ‘SCARED,’ Harley! What are you even trying to  say?” Joker stands up, nearly knocking over a bottle of green nail polish.

“Well, what I’m sayin’” Harley’s smile grows, “Is that if my hypothesis is correct, you’re in looooove!!!” She’s squealing at this point, and grabs his hands, spinning him around. She turns him back, and pokes his nose, giggling.

“What? Pshhh,,, That’s a funny one, but I’m not in _love_ , Harley! I don’t fall in love and… He’s _BATMAN!”_

“I know ya blushin’ under all that white foundation. I got you all figured out, honey.” She picks up her glass of pink lemonade, downs it, and holds up her diploma. “Ya gotta trust me, I’m a doctor!”

Joker glares at her.

“Listen, sweetcakes, I know it’s hard to face ya feelins’ and all that, but ya practically confessed already. Now all ya gotta do is seal the deal.”

“If I, somehow, not saying you’re right, but might be in… uh… umm…. _LIKE-LIKE_ with Batman… What would you--hypothetically!!--suggest I do?” Nailed it.

“Well, Plan A is just tell him about how you feel.”

“Harley, this is Batman, be more realistic.”

“Yeah, I’m gettin’ to that. Plan B is much more… Complicated. Ya sure ya don’t want Plan A?” Harley shrugs. “Worked for me ‘n Red.”

“Again, this is Batman. And purely hypothetical.”

“Hmm… I dunno… If ya really wanna know Plan B I’d guess it’s ‘cause ya wanna woo Batman.”

“But I already did all of that! We’ve got a good relationship going already!” Joker exclaims. “Are you suggesting I do it _again_ with a _different word????”_

“Hmm…” She taps her finger on her chin. “Nah, my plan’s got less Voldemort.”

“What’s wrong with Voldemort?”

“He’s ugly and kills people!”

“We kill people!”

“Nuh uh! We just put people’s lives at risk so B-Man can save ‘em and you can swoon. And we’re adorable!” She whips out her phone and takes a quick selfie, posting it almost immediately with minimal filters and maximum emojis. “I already got ten likes! And it’s been two seconds!”

“I need no convincing, Harley, I know we look good.”

“Heck yeah we do!” She high fives him eagerly.

Joker is silent for a moment.

“...Did Batman like that post?”

“I swear, he has to have post notifications turned on, he was the first one.” Harley laughs. “Why d’you care? I thought you haaated him?”

“Dearly. So, onto this plan of yours?”

“Right! So! Bruce Wayne’s Batman’s roommate, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, it should be easy-peasy to get a hold of Brucey and ask what Batman really thinks aboutcha, right?”

“You’re plan is to kidnap Bruce Wayne?”

“You got it, sugar!”

“That’s… Not a bad idea, actually.”

“What, surprised?” Harley waves her degree around again and laughs. “Now, c’mon, we gotta get you lookin’ spiffy for the kidnapping.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live for Lego Harley using all kinds of food-based nicknames that aren't puddin'. Yes.
> 
> Batjokes is coming later, I swear, but I wanted to establish a healthy friendship dynamic between these two first--which was super fun to explore, by the way, watcha doin, dc?--and dip a little into Joker's feelings before introducing Bats. I didn't get too far into his head yet, because I was mostly focussing on Harley, but Joker's feelings have always been my Favorite and I really wanna delve into lego Joker full force.


	2. Not Batman's Roommate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and leaving kudos and commenting! Woah! I love you all ❤

The plan is going extraordinarily, if Joker does say so himself. There was a charity gala that night, and apparently Harley had been planning this since Bat’s first “I hate you” so everything was in order. Joker was donning his nicest suit and a shining smile, eager to get his hands on Bruce Wayne.

Harley insisted that stealth was the best way to go, getting Bruce alone and nabbing him quietly before Batman could know he was gone. She went in first, in a blonde wig and a red dress, asking Bruce for a dance. The bachelor agreed, of course, and she easily danced him away from the commissioner and the kid who she’s fairly convinced is Robin.

Once she got close to the back door, she covered his mouth with her hand and grinned, pulling him outside quickly. 

“I got ‘im, bonbon!” Harley was holding Bruce’s hands behind his back with one of her hands, the other hand still covering his mouth. “No worries, Brucey, we’ll putcha back in a bit. J just needsta talk to ya for a sec.”

“Thank you, Harley, I can take it from here.” Joker said with a smile, extending his hand. Harley spun Bruce out of her arms and Joker caught him easily, slapping his hand in front of Bruce’s mouth before he could speak. 

Harley pulled car keys out of her pocket and clicked the button, and the lights of a purple limo blinked. “Call me if he gives ya any trouble, I’m headin back in to party.” She turned and skipped back inside, and Joker shoved Bruce into the back seat of the limo, hopping in himself and slamming the door behind him.

“Joker!” Bruce exclaims.

“Bruce Wayne! Am I doing it right? Nevermind that, I’m starting over. So, I bet you’re wondering why I invited you here.”

“You didn’t invite me! You just shoved me in here! What was that for?”

“Ok, ok, the invitation wasn’t in fancy calligraphy on my pretty stationary, I’m sorry,” Joker rolls his eyes. “But,  _ ANYWAY _ , as I was  _ SAYING _ \--”

“Calligraphy? Your handwriting is awful!”

“Rude! And Harley would have written it.  _ ANYWAY _ !” Joker pauses, looking at Bruce pointedly. Batman’s roommate is slouched in the seat, his arms crossed, glaring at Joker. He doesn’t seem happy to be there, but honestly hasn’t tried to resist yet, which is odd, even though Joker isn’t actually doing anything  _ bad, _ he still expected this to be harder. When it becomes clear that Bruce won’t interrupt him this time, he continues. “So…. You’re Batman’s roommate, right?”

“Uh… Yeah?”

“So you guys are… Close, right?” Joker twiddles his fingers together, suddenly a lot more nervous. 

Much to Joker’s surprise, Bruce starts laughing. “Super close.”

Joker’s heart sinks slightly and he frowns. “Wait… So is Batman… and you… are you…” Joker takes a deep breath, “Are you… together?” His eyes widen, brows scrunching together.

Bruce laughs more, but when he looks at Joker his smile falls. “Oh! I… Uh… No. Strictly platonic… livingbuddies. Yeah. That.”

Joker exhales in relief. “So! Does Batman… talk about me?” He leans forward, biting his bottom lip and grinning, his foot bouncing.

“Uh.. Yeah! Bats talks about you A LOT, totally.”

“Really?” Joker squeaks, tears welling in his eyes.

“Yeah, really really.”

“What does he say about me?!”

“That… uh… He hates you bunches?” Bruce wipes sweat off his forehead and Joker’s heart does a little flip.

“Anything… maybe… other than hate?” 

“Like….” Bruce gives him a quizzical look/

“Like!” Joker exclaims. “That’s the word! Does he like me?” He looks down at the last part, hating how nervous he feels. 

“Like… Like like?” 

“Like like like, yes.”

“I’d… have to talk to him about that. He hasn’t said anything.” Bruce says slowly. 

“But! You know him really well, right? So what do  _ you _ think he thinks?” Joker’s shaking in anticipation.

“Right… Yeah, duh! Of course…” Bruce runs a hand through his hair. “What do  _ you _ think about Batman?”

Joker sighs. “Ugh, he can be SO obnoxious sometimes, but he’s also so handsome and dreamy…” He freezes, realizing he’s talking out loud, and looks at Bruce, scrunching his eyebrows. “Uh, Brucey?” Joker asks.

“Uh.. yeah?”

“Are you feeling ok? You’re really red.”

“Yeah! Yeah I’m, uh, totally fine. Okey dokey. Spiffy.” Bruce turned to the side and whispers “NAILED IT!”

“...Nailed what?”

“How did he hear my thoughts?”

“Bruce, you’re talking out loud. Gosh, Batman does this all the ti--” Joker freezes. “OH.”

“Oh? Oh what? What’s OH?” Bruce stares at Joker, shaking.

“OH… My… GOSH!” Joker exclaims. “I! You! You’re-- Wait, I hear Harley calling me, uhhhh… COMING HARLS!” Joker throws the car door open and runs, not looking back. He yanks his phone out of his pocket as he turns a corner, calling Harley immediately.

“HELLO?” Harley yells into the phone from a very loud room.

“Harls, it’s time to go home.”

“How’d it go, sugarplum?”

“Please, just get out here. I’m hiding just around the corner.”

“That bad, huh?”

“I’ll talk about it later.” 

“Alright, alright, Harley’s coming.” He hears the click as she hangs up and he sinks to the ground and sits there silently as he waits. 

“Is he gone?” He asks as Harley approaches.

“Yep. Now can you please tell me what happened, fruit loop?”

“Can we go home first?” He looks up at her with pleading eyes and she sighs. “Alright, c’mere.” She bends over and picks him up bridal style, carrying him to the car. She buckles him up and closes the door, and gets in the driver’s seat. The drive home is spent in silence, Harley checking on him in the rearview mirror worriedly. It’s not until they get inside that Joker breaks the silence.

“Bruce Wayne isn’t Batman’s roommate.” 

“What?” Harley turns around, facing Joker. “Whatcha mean he’s not Batman’s roommate? They live together, right?”

“Yes, because Bruce Wayne IS Batman.”

“OH….” Harley pauses, processing this new information. “Yeah, ok… I probably should have been able to figure that out.”

“So I just… Asked Batman… If Batman’s ever talked about... like-liking me…” 

“Well, that’s not  _ too bad… _ ”

“I CALLED HIM DREAMY, HARLEY! TO HIS FACE!” Joker slams his face down into his hands. “Ugh, I’m a joke.”

Harley runs over, giving him a big hug. She squeezes him tightly and then grabs him by the shoulders, distancing herself. “Nuh-uh, jellybean, you’re not  _ a joke _ you’re  _ THE Joker _ . If he doesn’t see that it’s an  _ honor _ to be complemented by you, then he doesn’t deserve ya.” 

“I called him handsome!”

“He can’t blame ya for havin’ eyes, peanut.”

“He probably hates me!”

“Listen to me, sweetiepie, I got a fancy college degree studying feelings and I’m almost certain he feels the same way as you.”

“But-”

“No buts. If he doesn’t come crawlin’ to your side in the next few days, I’ll shave my head.”

“Then you’ll still look cute and I’d still be sad.”

“I would look cute, but that’s beside the point. It’s time for you to sit pretty and wait.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm running out of food nicknames and Joker's running away from his problems. #relatable


	3. Is Joker Dreamy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: k so I pasted the chapter wrong and it cut out the end, so I fixed it and now the text combo is in image form so emojis work? lemme know if you have any trouble
> 
> Minor plan change, chapter 3 was running a bit long, so I'm splitting what I wrote into 2 chapters, then adding a conclusion chapter after that. We're hopping away from Joker POV for a bit because I like to leave my comfort zone. I hope you enjoy!!

Bruce ran out of the limo about a minute after Joker did. He called Alfred immediately, yelling that he needed a right home “RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY!” Alfred had tried his best to get Bruce to talk about it, but he refused (as per usual) and ran up to his room, slamming the door.

Bruce was… feeling weird. That describes it. The whole conversation was weird. Not only is he almost certain Joker knows his secret identity, but he’s 100% certain that Joker… doesn’t actually hate him. Weird. WEIRD!

He slams his head down on his pillow and screams into it. He _SO_ doesn’t do… Uh... Like-like. But… He thought he didn’t do family, or any kind of committed relationship… But! There’s a difference between saying you can’t live without someone because you hate them too much to see them go than to say it’s out of... L--no--Like-like!

“Master Bruce, do you want any tea?” Alfred asks, knocking on the door.

“Uh, yeah, sure. Bring it in.” Bruce mumbles.

Alfred walks in, setting his tray on Bruce’s bedside table. “Master Bruce, don’t mind me asking, but is this about the Joker?”

“WHAT! I mean, uh, psshhh whaaat? No way.” Nailed it.

“I figured as much.” Alfred nods curtly. “Have you tried talking to him?”

“Yeah! That’s what just happened!”

“I mean about your feelings.”

“Feelings? What are those?” Bruce makes a fleeting gesture with his hand. “And anyway, I already said Batman hates him bunches, and Joker said he--I was dreamy, so I think that’s enough feelings for one day, thank you very much.”

“I beg your pardon? Joker… Called Batman dreamy?”

“What? Is it that hard to believe? I’m Batman!” Bruce huffs, crossing his arms. “I’m super dreamy.”

“That’s not what surprised me.”

“And! He figured out that Bats and Bruno aren’t roommates!”

“So, does he think Batman lives elsewhere or--”

“HE RECOGNIZED ME!” Bruce slams his head back down on his pillow and screamed again.

“Oh dear…”

“Oh dear is right, Alfred!”

“So, now that I know… What happened… How are you feeling?”

“I DON’T KNOOOOW!” Bruce kicked his legs in the air.

Alfred sighs, sitting at the foot of the bed. “Do you… Think Joker is dreamy?”

“Ugh! I don’t know, maybe…? I guess?”

“So, does that mean you feel… Good, about this development?”

“I… Guess?”

“There you go, then. I’ll leave you to your tea.” Alfred smiles and walks off.

“But what do I do now?” Bruce mumbles, taking a sip of his tea.

 

♦♦♦

 

“But does he even know where I live?”

Harley sighs. Joker has been talking ‘what ifs’ and all sorts of nonsense about her ‘sit put and look pretty’ plan, which is, by the way, an AWESOME PLAN NAME.

“I already toldya, just sit put and look pretty and it’s all gonna work out.”

The part of the plan she _HADN’T_ explained was a critical part of the development. While Joker was alternating between pacing and collapsing face first on his bed, Harley was on her phone. This wasn’t very out of character for her, but who she was texting sure as heck was.

When she ran back inside at the gala, and left Joker with Bruceman, she had a very specific thing on her mind. She quickly found the Bruce’s boy--who is _DEFINITELY_ Robin--and connected with him pretty quick. She pinched his adorable cheeks, told him she knew how to get his Batdad happy and needed his help, he seemed eager at the prospect of “another dad”, and they exchanged numbers. She saved him in her phone as “not robin” and has been texting him ever since they got home.

“I’m sure everything’s gonna work out just fine, sweetpea.” Harley says with a fond smile, looking up from her phone.

“But what if it’s not?!” Joker looks a lot worse for wear than when she last looked up.

“First off, peaches, let me do your hair, second off, everything is working out. Trust me.” She stands up, grabs some hairspray and a comb, and goes to fix up his hair. “And how many times have I toldya to get waterproof mascara?”

“None, Harley, I always tell YOU to get waterproof and you tell me tear streaks add character!”

“Ha, I sure do, but that’s MY look, not yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies if you can't see emojis. the only emoji i ever use is the green heart? so it took forever to pretend I'm fluent in emoji, but I'm doing it for Harley. Also, I don't know if I'm writing lego Batman too much like Lord Hater or if lego Batman is just a lot like Lord Hater to begin with? Hmm....
> 
> And gosh! Thank you all so much for your comments I've read all of them like 60 times ily


	4. Robin Flavored Ice Cream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first posted chapter 3, I missed like a whole thing at the end, so if you haven't seen Harley and Dick's full text convo maybe check that out first. My bad... I also have the text convo in there in image form to get all the emojis in there? I feel like having Harley text emoji-less would be disingenuous rip.. Thank you all so much for reading! It should be wrapping up next chapter? That's the plan, at least.

Golly, it’s good to have a  _ dad! _ Dick Grayson can’t believe his luck, not only getting one dad, then sort of two dads with one being Batman, and then definitely one dad who’s totally Batman, and now maybe another dad? Gosh! He’s getting spoiled! Even if dad number two is… The Joker? His life is SO COOL!

All he has to do is get his dad to be dramatic about the Joker somewhere public. That’s a normal day, honestly. He rushes to the Batcave to get his suit on, and runs right back up to his dad’s room and knocks on the door excitedly.

“Hey, Batdad! Wanna go get ice cream at Freeze’s? Not the villain, of course, but that new ice cream shop downtown.” Dick rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet. “They replaced their Superman flavor with a Robin flavor and I really wanna check it out in costume and tell them how much I appreciate it.”

“I’m busy.” 

Robin opens the door  a little bit and sticks his head in. “Pleeease?” He puts on his puppy dog eyes, and as soon as Bruce sees him he caves. 

“Alright, fine. Just because I want ice cream.”

“Great!” 

They head down to the cave, Batman making sure Robin buckles himself in before driving off.

“Did you have fun at the gala?” Robin asks innocently.

“Yeah. I was awesome.” Batman says halfheartedly.

Robin nods and texts Harley a quick update. 

The ice cream shop looks nice. It has an old neon sign and black and white tiled floors. Robin is very happy to be here, and honestly would have dragged his dad here eventually, even if he wasn’t… scheming is a harsh word… Planning? Strategizing?

“I’d like some Robin ice cream, please!” Robin says with a big grin. The man behind the counter smiles kindly, and eagerly scoops him a big helping.

“It’s on the house for you, Robin.”

“Oh gosh, thank you so much!” Robin is about to dig into his ice cream, when he thinks of a better plan.

“Why don’t you have a Batman flavor?” Batman asks bluntly. 

“Oh, well, black food coloring is very expensive, and it’s hard to keep the yellow vibrant and--”

“But Superman’s had blue and yellow, which are almost opposites? And I’m WAY cooler than Superman.”

“You should probably order, Padre.” Robin whispers.

“Yeah, ok. I’d like some Tutti Frutti. With extra whip cream.” 

The man behind the counter doesn’t scoop as much as he did for Robin, but still a decent amount. “That’ll be $4.50, please.” Batman hands over a five, muttering something under his breath about Robin’s being free when his isn’t.

“Ice cream selfie!” Robin yells, holding his phone out in front of him and his dad, grinning. He posts it to his Robin Instagram (which is separate from his Dick Grayson account, of course) and the likes stack up quickly. “Let’s sit over there at the tall tables! Those are fun!”

The ice cream is DELICIOUS. Robin eats it very slowly, though, since he’s maybe stalling for time. If he’s right, a camera crew should be here soon to record them, and he has to time this conversation just right so he can get Batman to talk about Joker just as the cameras start recording.

“I didn’t see you at the gala after you danced off with that nice blonde lady, what happened?” Robin feigns innocence, and Batman falls for it.

“Nothing.”

“Oh, I thought I saw Joker at the party? I figured you were handling that.”

“WAS HE DANCING WITH ANYONE? I mean, I’m asking for safety’s sake. He’s dangerous.”

Robin rolled his eyes. “Nope, I just caught sight of his green hair. It’s very bright, hard to miss.” 

“Ah. I see.” Batman shovels a spoonful of Tutti Frutti into his mouth. “Did you.. Uh… hear him talk about me, maybe?”

“Uh, nope!” Robin is telling the truth, though it doesn’t feel like it. “Why, did you want him too?” Robin wiggles his eyebrows.

“No! Gross. I’m too cool and awesome to care about if he really thinks I’m dreamy.” Batman scoffs.

“Dreamy?” Robin kicks his feet under the table excitedly. This is working really well!

“What? Who said dreamy? I didn’t say anything about Joker being dreamy.” Robin can see Batman blush under his cowl. 

“You’re bluu-shing~!” 

“What? No I’m no!“ Batman turns away, “Computer, initiate facial cool down.” He hisses into his cowl.

Out of the corner of his eye, Robin sees a camera crew arrive. “I think you’re in loo-oove!!” 

“No!”

“You think Joker’s dre-amy!”

“KEEP HOW DREAMY JOKER IS OUT OF IT!” Batman flails his arms around wildly, and the camera captured the whole outburst. 

Robin eats a big scoop of ice cream, smiling proudly.

 

♦♦♦

 

“HE WHAT?” Joker exclaims.

“I toldya, honeybun.” Harley says with a smirk. Her plan went off without a hitch. It was smart of her to trust that kid to handle it. He sent her a text about Robin-Flavored Ice Cream, to which she responded with an eloquent “yuck 2 feathery”, and sat Joker in front of the TV to “calm him down.”

The cameras caught Batman yelling about Joker being dreamy, Joker just  started happy crying, and Robin winked at the camera. Harley sent him a wink emoji in response.  

“He… Thinks I’m dreamy?” Joker’s smile was quivering as tears welled in his eyes. 

Harley pointed the remote at the TV and rewinded to catch Batman’s words again.

“LEMME SEE THAT!” Joker snatched the remote from her and started rewinding that moment over and over again, a dopey grin on his face. Harley rolled her eyes fondly and sent Robin a quick status update. Robin informed her that Bat-man is still majorly in denial, and it took some work to get him to slip up right when the cameras got there. She had never been prouder in her life. 

“Hey, honeybutter? When you and Bats get married can I be Robin’s cool aunt? Oooh.. maybe godmother?”

Joker doesn’t look away from the TV, just saying “Yes, whatever you say.”


	5. Snake Clowns

Joker rang the doorbell again, after waiting for a whole two seconds, before pulling back his hand to meet his other one behind his back. He rocked on the balls of his feet nervously, waiting for someone to answer the door. Preferably Batman.

It wasn’t Batman.

The kid opened the door, grinning. “Hiya, Joker! Batman is upstairs in his room. One second, I’ll call him down.” He turns away from Joker and yells “BATDAAAD! SOMEONE’S HERE TO SEE YOU!” at an ungodly volume. Joker’s hands shot ot his ears, and Robin looked back at him, gasping. “Oh my goodness! Did you bring him flowers?”

“None of your beeswax.” Joker grumbled, hands retreating back behind his back. 

“I’ll leave you two to it!” Robin winks as he darts off.  _ He’d get along well with Harley, _ Joker thinks to himself,  _ nosy, thinks he knows what’s going on… _

Joker steps in through the door, closing it behind him. He doesn’t hear any footsteps, so he figures Batman is still upstairs. He starts up the stairs, fairly familiar with the layout from when he remodelled the place. “Batman?” He calls out when he reaches the top of the first flight. “It’s me, y’know, the dreamy clown?” Joker laughs at the title he gave himself, but blushes a bit under his makeup. He looks left and right down the hallway, and sees a door open and a black cowl-clad face pop out of one of the doors nearby. 

“You called me dreamy first, nerd!” 

“Love you too.” Joker says jokingly, then freezes when he realizes what he just said. “I mean--uh, well, I--I brought you flowers.” Joker stares at the ground, hoping his makeup is thick enough to hide his blush, and hands Batman the flowers.

Batman takes the bouquet from him and looks at the flowers. It’s a single rose and a bunch of dandelions.

“I’m sorry I said that. I just made it weird, and--”

“Ditto.” Batman grumbles. Joker’s heart skips a beat.

“What did you say?” Joker smiles so big his cheeks hurt and his eyes start to well up.

“I… uh.. Me too?” Batman stares at his feet, right foot scuffing the ground nervously. 

“Me too what?” Joker leans forward, so happy he’s about to explode like a happy bomb.

“I… L-Luh-Love you too?” the word comes out shaky, sounding very foreign in Batman’s mouth. “Cowl, initiate facial cool down.” he hisses to the side.

“Aww, you’re blushing!” Joker’s grin is just impossibly widening by the second. 

“Shut up.”

“No, it’s adorable.” Joker starts walking forward.

“No, I’m not adorable. I’m Batman. I’m terrifying.”

“Whatever you say, cutiepie.” Joker’s close enough to pinch Batman’s cheeks. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Bane about this, or Riddler, or Two face, or--”

“Shut up…” Batman grumbles.

“Make me.” Joker says with a smile, very close now. He can hear Batman’s breath hitch. 

They’re both frozen for a moment, neither moving nor speaking. After a while of just… Staring… Joker interrupts the silence. “Are you gonna kiss me or not?”

“I-uh--”

“Look, bats, if I’m making you uncomfortable I’ll leave. I thought… I thought that….” Joker frowns. “Nevermind. I’m… I’m just gonna-” before he can finish his thought, Batman’s lips are on his. He gasps in surprise, and before he can kiss back, Batman pulls away.

“Snake clowns.” He says quietly.

“Hey! Who are you callin’ a snake?!” Joker exclaims.

“No, I mean…” Batman pauses and scratches the back of his neck. “I was… Scared.” Joker clutches his chest dramatically.

“THE Batman? Scared?” 

“Shut up.”

“Of lil’ ole’ me? Blinkety-Blink-Blink,”

“No. Stop.” 

“Oh don’t be scared, you silly goose! I’m here for you!”

 

Down the hallway, Robin and Harley high fived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over? (I might add some one shots after this and turn this into a series if I get inspired enough :o I feel like this chapter's too short but this is how I wanted it to end)
> 
> Thanks a million for all the love given to this fic!!! It makes me so happy to know that this silly thing I wrote made other people happy. Good vibes to all!!!!


End file.
